Monster
by Aero-Dragon's-Sky
Summary: While Bobby is dating Loor, he continues to have feelings for Spader. Bobby’s feelings for the aquaneer start to become rather dark and abusive as the result of the battle with Saint Dane. Oneshot. BobbyXSpader.


Full Summery: Bobby and Spader have finally defeated Saint Dane and both are suffering quite a lot from the battle. They take refuge in each other's hearts, but that soon becomes another battle zone. While Bobby is dating Loor, he continues to have feelings for Spader. Bobby's feelings for the aquaneer start to become rather dark and abusive as the result of the battle with Saint Dane.

**Warning:** _One of my relatively dark works. Rated M for a reason! Boy with boy love! Abuse! What other warning can I add to this thing? XD_

I'm not sure if this fic is any good. Bobby is pretty OOC, but he's really messed up after the whole Saint Dane thing. It definitely starts out a lot darker than most of my writings, but I actually am rather fond of the writing itself. Spader is about 19 and Bobby 18 at the beginning, then Spader is about 22 and Bobby 21 in the second part.

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God, I've changed so much since that day. I can't believe how much I've changed. I'm living a lie, and I'm forcing other people to live it with me. I can't help but to look at him with lust in my eyes. He thinks I love him, and I don't have the heart to tell him I don't. He knows I'm seeing Loor, but I made him believe it was better that way. "I can't hurt her by letting her know I really love you," I would whisper softly to him.

He just sadly and innocently nodded his head. He doesn't know the truth is I love neither of them. I don't have the will to break his heart or to break her heart. They've both been through so much, the only small comfort they have is when I kiss them and tell them I love them.

"Bobby, what's wrong?" I hear him ask softly. It's dark, pitch black, but I feel him crawl into my arms. He rests his head on my shoulder and relaxes. He could fall in love with anyone he wants to, but he's chosen me. He loves to be held by me. I use to love him so much; I'd always taken such good care of him. Now though…

"Nothing, Spader," I reply plainly, pushing him out of my arms. I pinned him down and forced myself on top of him, ripping off his clothes. It was once different, I use to hug and kiss him out of compassion. Now, I take advantage of him out of anger and grief from my own life. I force my own emotions on him with such force. I do so because I know I could never do such a thing with Loor. She'd beat me to a bloody pulp if I dared to do such a cruel thing to her.

Spader cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure as I forced my way into him. "Please Pendragon, can't you be a bit easier?" he chocked out softly, but not wanting to upset me. I wasn't listening to him. Spader is strong, athlete strong. He's in beautiful shape, except for maybe a bruise or two I might have given him in anger at one point. He may be strong, but I'm warrior strong; I can easily over power him. Since Loor started training me so many years back, Spader couldn't fight back if he wanted to.

I finally climax and pulled out of him, he's trembling a little. I don't know if it's out of fear or if he wants more. Does he fear me now? I hear him let out a sob and guilt washes over me. This isn't the first time he's cried because of me. "Spader, I'm-" I reach out and lay my hand on his shoulder but he slaps it away.

"Don't touch me!" He's shaking all over now. I've finally snapped him, he can't take being my toy anymore, love or not. I lower my eyes, I knew in the back of my mind he'd break eventually. He's softly sobbing, and my mind is screaming at me to pull him into my arms. So I do, but he struggles away. He's never struggled away from me, maybe against but not away. He's finally done; he's never going to be mine again.

I feel tears in my eyes now. I don't know why, but it hurts tonight. I feel awful for doing this to him. My heart aches as he gathers his clothes and shakily slips into the bathroom. I wait a few minutes before following him, when I enter the bright room; I see the aquaneer staring at the mirror, fully dressed. His fingers are lightly resting upon a bruise on his cheek I'd given him two days ago. He turns to me; hurt and pain are the only emotions in his eyes. "I thought you loved me."

I can't keep this charade up any longer. "I don't. I haven't for a long time… I don't love Loor either."

His eyes widen a bit. "I knew the day you stopped loving me… I thought Loor, though…"

I just shook my head. Spader looks away from me, and back at the bruise I'd given him. He is perfect in every way; he is attractive except for that one flaw that marks his perfect face. "I told them I ran into a door when they asked me about this. They didn't believe me, because I have 5 other bruises… Every time one heals, two more take its place. That's why I've been wearing my full aquaneer uniform… so they won't see the two on my arms. But I think they've already seen them."

My eyes turned wide. I was always with Spader in the dark; I couldn't look him in the eyes when I took advantage of him. I don't remember striking him except once or twice. "You do…?" I asked in genuine surprise.

He looked at me sadly and lifted his shirt up so I could see the three bruises on his rib cage. One of them looked extra awful- almost the size of a baseball. He probably had a broken rib or two in there as well. He lifted his sleeves all the way and showed me the two large bruises on his biceps. Those were from me squeezing his upper arms so much when I roughly handled him, like slamming him down on the bed and grinding against him. I just stared with wide eyes toward him.

My heart had shattered. I hadn't even realized I'd been doing this to him. It was all just a blur of pleasure and his screams. What kind of sick monster had I become? "Oh God Spader," I whispered hoarsely, "Why didn't you stop me? Punch me, bite me, scream for help, something?"

Spader lowered his eyes and shrugged, "I struggled and begged. I couldn't hurt you Pendragon, I love you."

Tears filled my eyes; I couldn't look the poor aquaneer in the eyes anymore, especially because of that bruise under his one eye. I awkwardly stumbled into Spader's room and turned the light on. I almost threw up when I noticed some blood on the sheets of his bed. It wasn't much, but it was fresh. I desperately gathered my clothes and dressed myself. "You put up with this?" I choked out softly, running my hand over the small amount of still moist blood. It was Spader's, I just knew it.

Spader poked his head into the room and shivered a little at the sight of his blood. Obviously he remembered the pain that caused his blood to get on the sheet. "It's not as bad as it use to be, I use to wither in agony for hours after you left. I'd finally manage to fall asleep and I'd wake up laying in it." He lowered his head and I saw a tear slip from his eyes and land on the floor. "I'm going to miss you Pendragon, I still love you. Just, please don't come back, ever. I can't stand the pain anymore." At least he knew he could speak up right now. I wouldn't harm him. In the dark in his bed was another story.

I just stared at the once proud and carefree aquaneer who always held his head high and had a mischievous glint his eyes. I couldn't help it; I walked toward him and pulled him into my arms. He flinched and went stiff in my arms, but after a few minutes of me holding him, he finally relaxed. I lifted his chin up and tenderly kissed him, like I use to when I loved him. I slowly pulled away and he just stared at me, tears streaming endlessly from his eyes. I kissed him once more and started to stroke him, running my fingers through his long silken black locks.

He started to tremble in my arms and finally broke down. He cried hysterically into my shoulder, his world had collapsed on him one time too many. His father's death, his mother's disappearance, watching 36 people die in an event he could have almost prevented, getting stranded on Eelong away from his home, the trauma from the final dual with Saint Dane, having me abuse him, finding out a I didn't love him, and now him telling me not to come back. His frame shook uncontrollably, it almost sounded like he was screaming in agony into my shoulder. Silent tears fell from my eyes as I held him, why him? He was so carefree without a worry in the world. He didn't deserve this. He'd done nothing but help everyone he could, and then he pledged himself to Halla.

I don't know how long I stood holding him, but at one point I carried him into the living room and laid him on the couch as I held him. Finally he cried himself to sleep. I grabbed a blanket from his bed and checked it for blood. When I found none, I draped it over him. I then went back into his room, yanking anything with blood on it off his bed. I then took the bloody bedding and threw it into the wash. I put clean sheets on his bed and made it before going to collect Spader. He was exhausted and didn't even awaken when I took him off the couch and gently placed him back into his bed. I tucked him in and left.

I didn't return again. I went to Zadaa and told Loor the truth. She admitted she kind of already knew it. She also knew I was seeing Spader, she didn't know I'd been abusing him though. I didn't tell her either. Spader would never have to worry about seeing me again. I finally grabbed hold of my life and started to live it properly. I was surprised how quickly I gained all my friends back. I gained all their trust and love back, except Spader's. It's been months since I've seen him.

When the other travelers and I got together, Spader never came. The others told me he was doing great however. They said his life seemed to make a full recovery. He was the carefree and happy person he used to be. They actually spent quite a lot of time with him; he just didn't choose to be with them when I was around. They said it was weird, that he loved to talk about the adventures he and I shared. He seemed to miss me they said, but if they suggested he come and see me, he quickly said he was busy.

One day, my curiosity got the best of me. I stood at the mouth of the flume and called out, "Cloral!"

Immediately I was whisked away to Spader's territory. In no time I stood at the docks of Grallion. I asked an aquaneer who was heading home after a long day where Spader lived and he gave me directions. He'd moved since I'd last been to visit him on Cloral. I shuddered at the memory. I'd never do anything like that to him again.

When I showed up in front of Spader's apartment door, I suddenly felt a strong urge to turn back. That's when the door opened automatically and a black clad aquaneer stepped out. He froze dead in his tracks when he saw me. "Pendragon?"

I gulped and nodded weakly, "Hobey-ho." How lame was I, anyway?

Spader cast me a nervous glance. "I was just heading out to Grolo's. You should come, too."

I nodded feebly and followed him. "You look great, everyone said you were. I guess I was just worried they were lying. I was just stopping by to say hey, so I guess I'll see you," I blabbed in a hurry. I tripped over my words as I rushed to get them out. I wanted to run away screaming so badly at that minute. Spader reached out and gingerly took my hand though.

He stared at me with hurt eyes it seemed, but they were still curious and mischievous. His eyes were beautiful; I found them difficult to explain. "Pendragon? How come you came back?"

"I told you, I was worried."

He reluctantly let go of my hand, "Oh…"

I frowned and glanced down at the hand he'd been holding. It felt nice to have him holding it. "Why'd you let go?"

This caught Spader off guard, "Um, I don't know. Did you not want me to let go?" I shook my head and held my hand up, wanting him to take it again. He did and I grasped his hand back. We continued to Grolo's in silence. Before we entered the tavern I gave his hand a soft squeeze and he squeezed back. Then we let go as we entered, neither of us were happy about letting go.

Spader led me through the crowded tavern and to a round table where about 10 of his friends sat. I was a little dazed and my cheeks were hot with blush at being with Spader again. We weren't going out… but we were flirting. I loved it, too; it felt so playful and innocent. I sat next to Spader as he happily chattered to his friends. At one point I reached for his hand under the table and took it, he cast me a curious glance and then a small smile before continuing on with his friends.

My next move was a lot bolder. I reached out and ran my hand up his thigh, extremely close to his manhood. The poor aquaneer nearly jumped out of his skin and almost knocked over a mug of sniggers. He yanked his hand from mine and sent me a glare, it wasn't angry though. He was being playful. "Easy there, mate! No wogglies in here," one of his friends laughed. Spader and the rest of the group laughed as well, although Spader's laugh was a little nervous.

I wasn't paying much attention; I had my mind set on going a little further. I slipped my hand farther up Spader's thigh and to the waistband of his pants. He stiffened a little when he realized what I was doing. I didn't hesitate; I let my curious hand into his pants. I saw him clench his jaw as my figures brushed against his arousal. He was so warm and stiff; I really missed doing this kind of thing with him. I wrapped my hand around his arousal and stroked him. He couldn't take it much longer. He quickly grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand away.

I frowned and he turned to look at me. "Behave," he said softly, placing a kiss on my lips. Most of his friends lifted an eyebrow at Spader. Spader looked away, embarrassed.

"You dating him, Spader?" one of them asked curiously.

Spader smiled halfheartedly and shook his head, "Nah."

All the guys around the table hooted and burst out laughing. "In that case, pucker up," one of them cried. Everyone was laughing again; I couldn't help but to join. Most of them continued to joke on Spader; he really didn't seem to mind. It even seemed a few of the more muscular ones were hitting on him.

He did lean over to me though, "Let's go." I just nodded and we left without another word, taking two bottles of sniggers with us. "What was that, Pendragon? I'm so glad my mates didn't notice you doing that. I don't think I couldn't stand those kinds of jokes going around. They'd never let me live it down, getting a hand job under the table…"

"Did you like it?" I asked curiously. Spader gave a small nod, hoping I wouldn't see it. I did. "Then let's get back to your place. I can finish what I started." The sun wasn't even setting yet; I could see Spader blush a bright red.

"Pendragon…" he replied hesitantly. It was like he wanted to tell me something, but at the same he didn't. I didn't want him to finish before I explained to him, though.

"Spader, just give me permission to make you feel amazing. Just this once, allow me do it properly for you. I want you to scream in pleasure, not in pain. I swear you won't regret it. After that, decide whatever you want. Even if you never want to see me again, I promise I'll do it."

He stared at me hesitantly for a moment, and then gave me a nod, "Okay, Pendragon. Do whatever you want with me."

I smiled excitedly. I pressed him against the wall of a building right there in the middle of the street and kissed him. I wasn't rough, but I was passionate. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth for me. I explored every little space of his moist cavern before pulling away. We were both gasping for breath. "Can't we go some where more… private?" he asked nervously as I made a move to kiss him again.

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Well, fine. You're always the modest one. Why not the middle of the street? No one's around…"

Spader laughed as we hurried to his apartment. The sun was about to start setting. At one point, we stopped to kiss again, and somebody raised an eyebrow at us as they hurriedly walked past. Neither of us cared if the entire habitat watched us kiss in the street. They didn't need to watch us make love, though.

Once we were in Spader's apartment, I slammed the door closed and laid Spader over it. Then I proceeded to kiss him again, exploring his mouth once more. "You taste so good," I breathed huskily, "like sniggers."

He just moaned against my lips in response. I started to grind our groins together and he gasped. He tightly gripped my shoulder and gave me a desperate look. I understood and we both hastily made our way into his bedroom. I closed that door as well and pushed him back on his bed, crawling on top of him. I rubbed out groins together as I kissed him again. He was getting extremely horny, which was good, because I was too.

"Pendragon," he hissed sharply. I understood immediately, because I was in the same exact condition. He was desperate to release his seed, as I was.

I smiled and tugged off his shirt and my own. I couldn't believe we'd hit the bed fully dressed. No wonder both of us were so desperate, our arousals were begging to just get out of our pants. Once I had him completely stripped, I found myself staring at him. I hadn't laid eyes on his body in a while. His tanned skin was amazing and seemed to glow in the setting sun's light. He was tanned evenly all over with no hints of any tan lines, which meant this was his natural skin tone or he sun bathed completely undressed. "Pendragon, don't just stare at me," he teased playfully, sitting up and hugging me.

I loved the aquaneer to death. I hugged him back and kissed him softly on the lips. Although we were being playful, there was still a ton of tension. I decided to relive some and wrapped my hand around Spader's member, moving my hand up and down. I just wanted him close, and then I'd have my fun with him. It didn't take long for me to tell Spader was getting a little tense; I pushed him a bit further, and then took him into my mouth. He really seemed to enjoy that.

He tried to stifle a gasp as I licked the head, and he couldn't restrain the gasp when I began to suck him. It didn't take the breathless aquaneer long to cum for me. He tensed up and gasped, releasing into my mouth. I was extremely happy to clean up every bit of his spilled seed. I'd always been told guy's tasted salty and Spader told me I was, but Spader tasted sweet. Clorans I guess…

I left Spader's now softening and very clean member alone and made a move for his lips. I kissed the recovering aquaneer several times and straddled his waist. It was my turn next. "Spader, where is-?"

"Top right desk drawer," he replied, smiling at me. I winked and got off him, coming back with a bottle of clear lubricant in one hand. We didn't need it, but it made the experience extremely more pleasurable for both of us. "Bobby, I love you."

I smiled at that. For some reason, that little sentence touched me really deep. I knew it was coming from Spader's heart. "I love you too, Vo." He gave me a pleased nod and I saw him glance toward the window. The sun was half way sent, and the room still glowed golden. "I don't think we can ever do this in the dark again, I love seeing you. You're gorgeous, Vo."

I smiled, proud of myself. I'd managed to make Spader blush, not an easy feat. I lifted his legs up a little and slipped three lubricated fingers into him. He really hated being fingered, but I wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt him after not doing it in such a long time. I pulled my fingers out and was about to spread some lube on my waiting member when Spader sat up and snatched the bottle from me. I sent him a confused look and he smiled. "I want to do it."

I rolled my eyes playfully and gave in, letting Spader have his way. He of course had to torture me, teasing me by rubbing the head of my arousal with the tips of his lubricated fingers. I had to force myself not to moan as the teasing pleasure creep throughout my being. In the end I couldn't help thrusting into his hand and he quickly laid off, wanting me to be inside him before I came.

I quickly positioned myself over him and he arched up a little, for me to have a better chance of thrusting into him. He preferred to face me, it made things a little harder, but more interesting. I slipped myself into him and sighed happily at his tightness. I thrust slowly at first so he'd get use to it again, but in no time he was begging me to go faster and harder.

A fine sheen of sweat covered both of our bodies as I grew closer to my climax. I wanted to send Spader over the edge with me, and I'd better hurry. "Bobby," he panted desperately, squeezing his eyes shut as another wave of pleasure washed over him. I knew he didn't really need anything, (except to be sent over the edge) he was just panting my name. I kissed him lovingly and thrust roughly into him. He broke the kiss and screamed my name. Shivers swept through me that I was causing him to feel this good.

I thrust in the same exact way several times, hitting his special spot every time. He cried out with each trust, and finally came for me again. He didn't have much to offer after only coming a few minutes before. I sighed happily and finally allowed my own raging seed out, spilling it into Spader. He was heavily panting, as was I. The sun was finally sinking away, its golden light fading. Spader's eyes slowly opened and focused on me, a smile played across his lips, "Thank you Bobby… I thought you hated me."

My eyes reflected my sudden sadness. "No. I'll never, EVER lay a hand on you that might bring you pain. I promise you, Spader, I love you and you are my only love. I'm going to take good care of you. You are a handful though," I added the last part with a laugh and Spader smiled. His smile was sad though, and I almost had a heart attack when I saw a tear slip for his eyes. "What's wrong?" I gasped.

He weakly shook his head and crawled into my arms. "I missed you so much, Bobby. I wanted to be in your arms so badly, but I was scared. I thought you might hurt me again. I got better, but I just couldn't stand to date anyone. So I waited, I've waited a really long time. Now you're with me again. I'm just… so happy."

I felt a warm feeling spread through me, the truth was, I was happy now as well. The fact that Spader felt the same way just made things even better. "Good, you deserve to be happy. You'll never have to wait again; I'll always stay with you. I'll always take good care of you as well. Now let's take a shower."

He laughed and nodded, we both happily headed toward the bathroom. He'd be mine forever, and this time, we weren't hiding anything

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Hope you liked it, I know it was a little off, but I hope maybe someone likes it. Review and give me any suggestions or comments if you have any!


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